When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
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