I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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