I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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