yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
