Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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