Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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