he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
