For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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