I hate your face
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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