peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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