Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
