I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
