Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
