its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the day after is always just damage control
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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