I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
