We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
