I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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