i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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