It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
