She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize