Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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