Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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