i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
