Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
