this just has baby written all over it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
