I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
vagina is talking i cant
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
cat food counts as protein by the way
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
