It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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