drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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