I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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