she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
