yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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