i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
