At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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