return my video game
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
