dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
