he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
