Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
