wanna go halves on a baby?
it hurts more in the daytime
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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