A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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