Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
