maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize