You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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