so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
