Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
