It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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