I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can I color on your dick again?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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