Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
