why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
