Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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