She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
