he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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