I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize