who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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