my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
