i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I want to be your penis for a week.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
