I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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