Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize