Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
