hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
