I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
