my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
