guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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