Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
