Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
