just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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